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On My Knees

My floors were gross and in desperate need of cleaning.  I passed on using the steam mop and chose to go the old fashioned route.  Out came the bucket and rags as I got on my knees.  My intention was to clean JUST the floors.  However, being on my knees allowed me to see other areas that also needed to be cleaned...my walls, the legs of the table and chairs, the baseboards and the cabinets.  Needless to say, I was on my knees a lot longer than intended, but the results were worth it.

Isn't that how it is when we get on our knees in prayer?  Admittedly, I have times when I just want to blow off some steam in prayer and get on with my daily agenda, but being in the presence of God brings all the "dirty" stuff to the surface. As I commune with Him in sincere prayer, He shows me areas where I have such things as unforgiveness, jealously, bitterness, and pride—areas that need some serious cleansing.  

It is not enough to just get on my knees for a moment, but I must be willing to stay there longer than intended sometimes.  I must enter into His presence with thanksgiving and be willing to be like my three year old, sometimes stuck on repeat, saying the same thing over and over again.  “Thank you Lord for this…”  “Thank you Lord for that…”  “And for this and for that…”  I must offer true praise, acknowledging who He is and what He has done for me.  I have to get comfortable with crying out to God, telling Him all, withholding nothing. But it doesn’t stop at me sharing, I must be willing to have a dialogue and learn when it’s His turn to speak to me during prayer.   I must be willing to stay on my knees as opposed to running away when He doesn't answer the way I desire.  

To get really ‘clean,’ I cannot rely on a quick “I'm just praying because this is what a Christian is supposed to do” kinda prayer.  My life would be no cleaner than my kitchen, showing a surface cleaning. No, prayer must be a priority.  After all, He is coming back for a church without “spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.”

Yes, it takes time but the results are a positively transformed life and greater connection with God and like the satisfaction I gained from my housekeeping duties, it is well worth it!

Faith's story part 3

Read part 1 and part 2 of Faith's story if you haven't done so already.

After 14 days on bed rest, I began to have contractions.  I called my husband late that night letting him know it was show time.  They gave me a shot to stop the contractions.  It worked for a little while.   However by the next morning  the contractions increased and there was no denying that our baby girl was ready to enter the world.   They quickly rushed me to the labor and delivery room. The nurses ran down the hall as they pushed my hospital bed with my husband right behind them.  It was like a scene from a movie. They didnt want to take any chances considering all the unknown factors.  I was given a shot to prevent bleeding on the baby's brain because she was going to be 10 weeks premature. The shot made me sick to my stomach.  I was dizzy, had a pounding headache and felt disoriented.  After waiting a while, the contractions slowed down again. They however decided to keep me in labor and delivery because everything was so unpredictable.

Tyrone went home to take care of some things hoping that we had bought more time. I was famished, I begged to eat something because I had not eaten from the night before when all the action began.  I was placed on a liquid diet, and let me tell you jello and flavored ice never tasted so good. Later that evening the contractions started again. Tyrone was called again, and this time we knew that it was actually going to happen.  In addition to my doctor, nurse, and husband my room was filled with staff from the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) getting the incubator ready.  It was such a surreal moment. My husband and I tried to be "normal" and carry on conversations between contractions but we both knew that our current predicament was everything but normal.  In a few hours we would know if God had answered the way we desired concerning Faith.  I believe the anticipation surrounding Faith's health distracted me from the pain I was feeling with the contractions.  All along I was praying that all would be well. 

                        

The NICU doctor preparing for Faith's arrival in my delivery room.  

The contractions became more intense and closer together and after two pushes on May 14th at 10:29pm, Faith Serenity Jones made her debut into the world. Tyrone did not cut her umbilical cord like he had done for our other 5 children.  Neither of us got to hold her or see what she looked liked. She was immediately rushed to the NICU.  So after 30 weeks of uncertainty, numerous visits to different doctors, 15 days on bed rest, I had no tiny feet or sweet cheeks to kiss.  No baby to nurse.  I had given birth but no crying baby in my arms to prove it.  I felt absolutely numb and empty. No words can truly express what I was feeling.  
                        
          This remained empty after Faith's birth because she wasnt with  me.  She was in the NICU.

My husband and I sat in that room and waited for over two hours with so many unanswered questions about our baby girl.  What did she look like? Was she struggling for life? Were all the possible diagnosis true?  We tried to carry on normal conversation but we were both physically and emotionally exhausted.  I sent a text out to all those praying with us and waiting to hear news, and the only news I could share was her name. No weight or height, no pictures attached, just that she was here.  It was as if time stopped for me.  

After a very long wait, we received news that we could go down to the NICU to see baby Faith.  I was very happy to see Faith, but it was also kind of a scary sight. She was literally skin and bone, she was so small ( weighing only 2p 6 oz 15 inches long).  She had so many cords over her tiny body and a tube over her mouth for oxygen.  Her facial features weren't very noticeable because of all the equipment on her face.  But I needed someone, anyone to answer the nagging questions, was my baby ok, did she have any heart defects, was their bleeding on her brain, did she have a chromosomal abnormality?

              Happy parents meeting Faith for the first time.  It was hard not being able to hold her.

We were told that Faith had a tiny hole in her heart but it was expected to close on its own.  As the days went on, more test were done.  No bleeding on her brain, no chromosomal abnormality, no heart defect. Praise God, other than her low birth weight Faith was fine.  Faith was healed!

She however had to remain in the NICU for 1 month to grow. That proved to be another adventure.  The hospital was 30 minutes from our home and we struggled with maintaining some sense of normalcy with the other five children at home, while trying to go and see Faith.  The children always looked forward to visiting their baby sister in the NICU but we were all ready for her to come home.  It was a very tiring season but we thank God for his grace. After a month, we were given the news we had been praying for, our baby girl could come home! 

                                As Faith grew and got stronger we were able to hold her more. 

                                 

                                     




                            

 Big sister's first time holding Faith.  She was beyond thrilled.

   

                                      
           As I watched Faith grow, I wanted to remember how tiny she really was.  One of the nurses                                       suggested that I put my wedding ring on her fingers to show how tiny she was.

                                            

                                                              All of this for one tiny baby


So here we are, a little bit over a year later and we have celebrated Faith's 1st birthday.  She is tiny in stature but she is thriving and healthy.  For this we are thankful, our God is indeed faithful!

Faith on her first birthday!

Faith posing by her birthday backdrop created by Naomi!  I suppose I should have cropped this so as not to give her secret away.

Faith's Story Part 2

If you havent done so already, you may want to read part 1 of Faith's story.    

All five children had a dentist appointment.  The plan was for me to take them to the dentist and then go and pick Tyrone up from work and head to Costco (the highlight of my day). It was a very long dentist visit and as I was sitting in the waiting room for the last child to finish her cleaning, I knew something was wrong.  Right there in the dentist office my amniotic sac broke and began to leak, how about that for an adventure?  I remained calm, left the dentist office with all five children in tow.  I went to pick Tyrone up from work and as he was entering the van, he could hear me speaking on the phone with my doctor.  She instructed me to go to the hospital right away so that I could be examined.  Believe it or not, I was trying to see if we could make the trip to Costco before going to the hospital. My very wise husband decided against it.  

Tyrone let me out at the hospital so I could go and get examined and he went to park the van.  By the time he made it in with all five kids, I had been examined.  I kindly asked the nurse to tell him what she had just shared with me.  She looked at my husband and informed him that my water did break and I had to be admitted to the hospital and would remain UNTIL I DELIVERED THE BABY.  I really wish I had a camera at that moment to capture the look on both of our faces.  WHAT?!!!  NO!!!!!  We have five children.  I have things to do. I have end of the year papers to sign and special programs to attend at the kids school. I have things at home to prepare before the baby arrives.  I STILL HAVE TO GO TO COSTCO!  

There was no negotiating, I had to remain in the hospital on bed rest.  They were concerned about infections and they wanted the baby to stay in as long as possible considering I was only 28 weeks gestation.  So the papers were signed, 

and there I was just like that on on bed rest.  They gave me steroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop quickly, the shot was more effective 48 hours after it was given.  So another layer was added to the wait and see game. Not only did the baby remain in my womb for that initial 48 hours but she remained for a total of 15 days.  This was a huge blessings because every extra day was beneficial. 

Here is a picture of the board in my hospital room.  Check out what it says under Today's Goal.  

The nurses in the hospital were absolutely amazing and did their best to make me feel comfortable.   We received so much support,help, prayer, meals and words of encouragement from various individuals.  We were certainly grateful for the help.  Tyrone was doing double duty, his job and mine. However I must confess that it was extremely difficult for me to not be the one doing it all, after all I am THE wife and mother. Perhaps there was some pride mixed in there...who am I kidding? Yes! It was pride. I had no choice but to relinquish control because we desperately needed help.  

Yes, that's me doing Naomi's hair as she munches away at the hospital treats.  Believe it or not, doing her hair gave me some sense of normalcy.

People kept on asking me if I was bored and the answer was always no. I really missed being at home with my husband and children, that was the most difficult part.  It was definitely a challenge being still.  But the Lord really used this time to minister to me in some profound ways and he also opened the door for me to minister to some of the individuals that came to my room.  And for those that know me, I am rarely at a loss for words. This personality trait came in handy while on bed rest. I had lots of conversation with the nurses and different visitors.

For the 15 days that I was on bed rest, there was not a day that went by that I did not think about my baby's health. What would be the outcome? As I was in that hospital room, I would lay hands on my womb and decree that the baby was well. But there were moments where fear crept in and whispered, "what if?" God told me to trust him and what I had learned is that putting my trust in God didn't always mean the story would play out the way it was scripted in my mind.  A greater level of trust required me to believe that no matter how the story ended, it was all going to be for my good.

So after 15 long days, on May 14, 2013 Our baby girl began to show signs that she was ready to enter the world. Stay tuned for part three to read what happened next.

  

Faith's Story Part 1

    Three days ago I celebrated my 36th birthday.  It was a blessing and I was left with a heart of gratitude as I thought about this time last year.  On April 29th, 2013 (the day after my 35th birthday) our world was turned upside down.  I was 28 weeks pregnant with our 6th child.  The pregnancy up to that point had been quite eventful.

Here I am 28 weeks pregnant on my 35th birthday.  4/28/13

    I had a preliminary screening done for possible abnormalities when I was in my second trimester.  The results of the screening indicated that the baby was at high risk for spina bifida and down syndrome.  I had a follow up appointment with a level 2 ultrasound.  While the ultrasound ruled out spina bifida there were still great concerns that the baby had some sort of chromosomal abnormality. There were three findings that were of concern to the doctor.


1. My placenta looked unhealthy, it was very thick. This was of concern because the baby's growth could be hindered and it presented a greater possibility of having a premature or stillborn baby.  From that point on they began to closely monitor the baby's growth which meant more visits to the doctor.

2. The umbilical cord contained only two blood vessels, instead of the normal three. I learned that babies with single umbilical artery have an increased risk for birth defects, including heart, central nervous system and urinary-tract defects and chromosomal abnormalities.

3.  The  baby's heart was in the middle of her chest as opposed to the left.  The doctor was also concerned that there were holes in the baby's heart.  So in addition to my frequent trips to monitor the baby's growth, I also had  to see a pediatric cardiologist.

     When I left the doctors office after hearing the news, I went to the bathroom and cried...sobbed. I felt that I had already met my quota for suffering while going through with Isaiah (baby #5).  Wasn't having your newborn baby stay in the neonatal intensive care unit and undergoing three major surgeries enough?  I cannot go through this again was my response to God. It was too painful. He allowed me to cry and vent and then he gently asked me if I truly believed he was in control.   In that moment by his grace, I made the choice to trust God and receive the peace He was offering. Tyrone and I chose to stand in faith and had others praying with us for total healing of our baby girl.  Walking by faith, was a choice I had to make everyday.

    On April 29th, 2013 at 28 weeks gestation, I was in for yet another surprise. Click here for part two of Faith's story.

Reality

     I have to face the reality that my body is perishing and not meant to last forever.  Sure I can do things to improve my health and well being, and I am a strong advocate of doing so.  However the experiences over the last week forced me reflect on a few sobering truths.  I got hit hard with a nasty sickness.  I  had so much to accomplish on my to do list and while my mind was telling me to forge ahead, my body was screaming the opposite.  I would love to tell you that I exercised wisdom and sat and rested but I can't even begin to tell that lie.  I fought like crazy to defy my reality.  I was soooo frustrated.  It so hard having an agenda and not being able to accomplish it.  Ever been there?

     I began to really think about the end.  Not in a depressing way, but a lets really evaluate things here kind of way.  We are each given an allotted amount of time here on earth and it's so easy to have misguided focus.  We act as if we are immortal and always assume we will have more time.  We assume we will always be as strong as we were yesterday.  We pursue our agenda without noticing that the clock is ticking and one day it is certain to stop.  They say that there are two things that are certain, death and taxes.   Hebrews 9:27 tells us of something else that's certain after death...the judgement.  When I stand before God, what will he think of how I used the time he gave me?  What will he have to say concerning my priorities, did they line up with his?  And my life, my heart, did it belong to him?

     I am feeling better today but I have more of a resolve to build up my spirit, focus on God's agenda because my end is one day closer.  As I put him first, I don't have to dread that day but I can look forward to it with great joy!

Forward

You are taking me to a place I've never been before
But I dont have to fear, I don't have to fear
I. DONT. HAVE. TO. FEAR.
I must remind myself because the temptation is there
I can be confident because you have proven that you are on my side
As you lead Jesus, teach me to follow with a surrendered heart
Even when I don't understand
Even when it means giving of myself beyond what I think is possible
Even when what you are telling me is contrary to what I want or what I think is best
Help me to have a joyful yes

There is absolutely no turning back for me
As I have put my hand to the plow, by your grace I refuse to look back
Look back to death
Look back to shame
Look back to pride
Look back to my agenda
Look back to people pleasing

You are taking me somewhere
I know
I don't know how the pieces of the puzzle are going to come together
But I give you the pieces and trust you know how
I don't know how you will word my mouth
But I will speak at your command
I hear what you are saying and if I think too hard, I become overwhelmed
Teach me not to reason but to rest
I keep my eyes on you as  you take me FORWARD!

Whole30 Day 17

I am on day 17 of the Whole30.  I am so excited because a few other ladies at my church have decided to join the party.  All those that have been doing it are reporting great results.  And me?  Well eating healthy is not the issue.  HOWEVER I find that I do a lot of emotional eating.  I follow the prescribed meal plan at each meal (protein, veggies, and good fat) and for the most part I am satisfied until the next meal.  But I find that if my tenacious toddler pushes the right buttons, or I have a lot to do, I am reaching for something to snack on (a mini escape if you will), EVEN WHEN I AM NOT HUNGRY!  Sigh. Always something to commit to prayer, so glad God never gets tired of me.  Some of you have asked for recipes, below are a few suggestions.  Enjoy! 

• This website has a list of 31 family recipes for Whole 30.  If that doesn't work for you, try this website.  I am a big fan of her recipes.
• Baked sweet potatoes are simple and delicious. Poke holes in unpeeled sweet potatoes and bake in the oven at 400 degrees for a hour or more.  I sometimes bake them for a hour and a half. I find that the longer I bake them, the sweeter they are.  Once cooked, top with coconut oil or ghee.  ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS!  The longer I go without added sugars, the more I can appreciate the sweetness of the SWEET potato.
• oven baked sweet plantains These are delicious.  You can also fry them.  I prefer to bake them with either olive or coconut oil because I can pop them in the oven and forget about them.
• Roasted vegetables are delicious.

• Green plantain chips are delicious.  Use an oil that is Whole30 approved.  I personally love these with coconut oil.
• cauliflower rice can be used for stir fry or experiment with different seasonings. 
• Roasted portobella mushroom  you can use this as a "bun" for your hamburgers (may be bending the rules here a little bit).
• Visit this website for some great condiments recipe.  Or again, you can do a google search on Whole30 condiments.  Pinterest also has some great ideas.

Few Tips

•  Get a roasting pan and/or crock pot.  Believe me when I say you will not regret these purchases.  I find that when I braise the meat and put it  in crock pot or roasting pan and let it cook for a few hours, the meat is ALWAYS super tender.
•  When possible try to season meats night before.  This technique combined with cooking the meats at low temperatures (I normally do 300 in the oven) always gives great results.
•  Go easy on the salt.  Experiment with different herbs.  Go crazy with garlic and onions.
• I learned from the this cookbook that adding foods like tomato paste and mushrooms to a dish adds another element of flavor, its so true, try it!
• Challenge yourself to buy a new vegetable each time you visit the grocery store.  Don’t know how to cook it, no problem, Google to the rescue.  I LOVE GOOGLE!  You can find a ton of WHOLE30 approved recipes on the internet.  Don't assume that  because you didn't like a certain vegetable as a child you wont like it as an adult if it is prepared a different way. 
• Try to get at least 8 hours of sleep each night, it really makes a big difference in your eating habits.  If you want more of the scientific explanation, Google it.
• Don’t be too uptight, have fun in the kitchen.  EXPERIMENT!  And if it doesn’t turn out right, there is always tomorrow to try again!

If you are doing the Whole30, I would love it if you left a comment to let me know how its going.

Gods Truth Isn't Accommodating

"I'm glad it's going to warm up in the next few days," said the librarian.  Are you kidding me? Did she just say warm up? It's amazing how after dealing with temperatures below zero, the mid 20s can be referred to as warming up.  Her experience with the bitter cold caused her definition of warm to be redefined.   As I was sweeping my kitchen floor later on that day I began to reflect on the comment made by the librarian. That's exactly what has happened to a lot of  "Christians" today.  We live in a culture where sin is rampant and we have become desensitized to truth.  We give in to the temptation to redefine Gods standards, something we have no business or authority to do.  Contrary to popular belief, truth is not relative.  God has not called us to be versatile Christians, willing to redefine his truth to be more "accomodating."  He has called us to be holy , standing for truth even if it's not embraced (1 Peter 1:16 ).  His truth doesn't change like the weather.  It's constant.

Greed, lying, homosexuality, fornicating,  stealing, cheating is NEVER ok (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). As my pastor previously mentioned, God created marriage so try as we might, we can't redefine it. it's so easy for us to give a nod of approval to the very nice gay couple or the well educated boyfriend and girlfriend who are living together and fornicating. Or say it's ok for the poor person to tell a "white lie," because they are struggling and the system has robbed them anyway.  I mean after all we are seeing worse sins happen around us so that ain't too bad.  WRONG! It is that bad, not because that's my opinion but because God said it.   Believe me, I am not trying to act as if I have never sinned or that I am perfect.  I have displeased God many times and have not always lived out or loved HIS truth.  But hear me when I say, I thank  God for mercy and grace and Him giving me a chance to repent and get it right.  Cause Lord knows I haven't always done right and was a very nice sinner.  The good news is, that opportunity for repentance was not only extended to me, but to all (John 3:16).  How awesome!

Truth is God will never change his mind about his truth(Hebrews 13:8) no matter how extreme sin gets, and it will continue to get worse.  The manual for holiness will not be rewritten, sorry no updated copies of the bible where that extreme holiness is edited out.  He wants us hot or cold (Revelation 3:16), not lukewarm, not straddling the fence, not somewhere in the middle, not a versatile Christian.  By his grace I want to remain hot and live out and speak His truth...and you?

Whole30 Day 1

Today is my first day of the Whole30 program and I am super excited!   A few ladies and friends at my church have decided to join me and I am looking forward to all the great testimonials that we will have.  If you are still on the fence about joining the challenge, come on, why not?  I don't think you will regret it.  If you are feeling a little challenged in the kitchen and need some ideas, visit Here for some great suggestions.  Don't forget to take a before picture  and don't obsess over the scale.  As a matter of fact, they recommend that you  not step on the scale until the end of the 30 days. It really is not worth obsessing about the number on the scale, focus on how your clothes fit and how you are feeling.  I am big on journaling, so if you are up to it, record changes in moods, energy level, emotional connection to foods that you didn't realize you had over the next 30 days (what triggers eating when you are not really hungry, etc.).  I made this yummy super easy crockpot chicken with baked sweet potatoes and roasted veggies today to start the Whole30. I sure hope you jump on the bandwagon!

Whole 30

Do you desire to loose weight without starving yourself, feel better, gain more energy, develop healthier eating habits for you and your family, help with specific body ailments, stop taking specific medications? If you answered yes to any of those questions I invite you to join me for a 30 day health challenge starting March 1st.  The name of the program that I will be following is called Whole30.  In a nutshell, on this 30 day program you eat animal protein, vegetables, good fats, and fruits.  You omit sugar, grains, dairy and legumes from your diet.  The point of the program is to heal your gut and help you to kick cravings for foods that are everything but healthy for your body.  You can read this book or get the  kindle edition written by the creators of the program. It is a very informative read.  This cookbook also has wonderful recipes for the program, I have tried a few and they were delicious.  You can also visit the Whole30 official website  to get more detail.     

 I feel it necessary to say that I am a Christian, not a fact I try to hide.  So while the authors of this program may have different views and choice of words than me, I cannot deny that the program itself is very effective.  I am fully convinced that God is concerned about the whole person, so it is our Christian duty to  make good choices for better health.  As the scriptures says in 3 John 1:2, "Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit." With that said, I am so excited about starting the Whole30 and it sure would be awesome if you joined me. Please leave a comment if you plan to join me on this challenge.

I WANT TO MAKE THAT MAN LOVE ME!

I want to do marriage the good old fashioned outdated bible way. I want to be my husbands biggest cheerleader.  I want him to be happy to come home because he knows a warm home cooked meal is waiting for him(well most days at least).  I want him to know that I respect and love him.  I choose to magnify his strengths and pray like crazy concerning his weaknesses.   I want him to share his heart with me without hesitation or fear that I may judge him.  I want my actions to make him fall in love with me over and over again.  I want him to still be happy that he chose me to be his bride even after 13 years of marriage. Now while the feminist may scoff at this and render me as a weak and needy woman, the bible says the opposite!  And oh, for the record I am so weak and needy, and admitting this has been so liberating and brought a greater level of intimacy between me and God and my husband (2 Corinthians 12:9).  Nevertheless I digress, back to the topic at hand.  Have you ever read the bible and the words just leap off the page and you can hardly contain yourself because you finally get it?  I recently read Proverbs 31. Yeah that same passage that challenges us women in so many ways.  It's amazing because often times when this passage is discussed, the focus is on all this woman DOES as opposed to who SHE IS!  I find it interesting that the passage doesn't open up with all her deeds, instead, it first highlights how her husband feels about her.  "Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?  She is more precious than rubies.  HER HUSBAND CAN TRUST HER, AND SHE WILL GREATLY ENRICH HIS LIFE. "Proverbs 31:10-12.

I must admit that I have not always proven myself to be  trustworthy to my  husband.  No I have
never ran off with another man but I I have done a lot of running with my mouth.  I have never had issues with telling him what I thought he was doing wrong, what was wrong with him and what he needed to do better.  When I was done I would expect him to trust me with his thoughts.  In short I was a being a nag!  I felt very justified in my nagging.  I must praise God for his grace because He has brought me from a very loooooooooooong way.  Let all the "expressive" ladies say amen!  I have already confessed in a previous post that I love to talk but I am learning the delicate art  of knowing when to speak and when to be silent.  I don't have to stop talking, I just take my chatting party to God in prayer.    I must confess that sometimes as he is speaking, everything in me is screaming, "I CANT BELIEVE YOU SEE IT THIS WAY or HOW CAN YOU THINK LIKE THAT!"  However, as I am learning to hold my peace and not always play therapist in our discussions,  my husband is sharing more of his unedited thoughts with me.  And you know what,  I find that when I listen, REALLY LISTEN he is more willing to solicit my advice and comments and a greater level of trust is developed.  And it sure is easy to love somebody you trust, dont you think?

Redeemed: Pay Attention...God is Answering!

Redeemed: Pay Attention...God is Answering!

Pay Attention...God is Answering!

My church (faithcfm.org) is doing a 40 day prayer challenge and I have been keeping a prayer journal.  In it, I record prayer requests, answers to prayers, and any insights the Lord gives me during my prayer and bible study time. When writing in my journal, I don't focus on proper grammar and format. As I put ink to paper my unedited thoughts flow. I am writing for an audience of two, me and God.  This approach allows me to write without any inhibitions...very liberating experience.  Its amazing because as I write, thoughts and feelings come to the surface that I didn't realize was there.  There is something about being deliberate with recording prayer request and the answers  that come.  It makes me more aware of how God is responding.  So often I pray, God answers, and for various reasons,  I miss it. Sometimes it's because I was not praying in faith and  I didn't expect God to move. Or I pray and God answers but not in the way I wanted and expected him to.    My prayer journal helps me to be more sensitive, more alert to the ways God is moving.  Everyday I have something praiseworthy to record. EVERYDAY! It's amazing.  And as I go back and read the answers to prayers, it builds my faith and encourages me to keep on praying.  He is listening.  To me.  I have an audience with the creator of heaven and earth.  Now, how awesome is that?!

Me

I am a very expressive person.  I love people.  I love to talk.  I love to share the new things I am learning and when I share I love to share with a childlike enthusiasm that may annoy some.  I love to get to the "feelings" part of every story.  I share my feelings and when I am done, I want to hear your feelings as well... and when we are done sharing, I love to have a , " so what does this all mean and how does this all connect party."  No kidding its true, ask my non-talkative husband.  Along  the way, I tried being someone else.  I tried to contain what God had given me to share.  I tried being more " mature" in the way I expressed myself.  Who God had made me to be was getting lost along with the gifts that came with my personality.  I got discouraged and even doubted God using me on a grander scale, I was slowly shutting down.  The noise in my ear sounded something like this, " yes you blog but you dont write as well as the other bloggers out there. Yes you have ideas that you think are creative but others will see them as being juvenile, and whatever it is you are saying has been said by others but even better. "  Insecurities, doubts, and past hurts can be big bullies if you entertain them.

I just got off the phone with a really good friend (we all need one)and she encouraged me from such a sincere heart.  I hung up the phone feeling refreshed and ready to unleash what I know the Lord has put in me without reservations.  Help me Lord to not be hung up on feedback from others, help me to be faithful to dispense what you have put it me.  Help me to use every gift you have put in me for your glory, and not for the approval of man! And let the church say AMEN!!!!

Avoiding God

Ever been there, disappointed so then you come up with the clever idea to avoid God?
I found myself being really busy.  Being busy is not a difficult thing for me, because there is always something to do.  However I must recognize that just because there is always something to do doesn't mean I have to get it done right away or that I always have to be the person for the job. I have mastered the act of conveniently making myself busy when I just don't want to deal with the issue at hand.  Sometimes the issue is just too painful and requires too much self inspection so I avoid Him.  This is not to say I don't pray or acknowledge God but my prayers remain at the surface.  I choose not to quiet my spirit long enough to not only tell God all, but to be still to also hear His response.  I pour out  my heart and "run" before God can address me.  It is  easy to justify thoughts and feelings when these thoughts are not being challenged.  But to grow, I must be challenged.  So here I am this morning God, not only to cast my burdens on you, but I  am also choosing to be still to hear your response.  Your response that brings loving correction. Your response that is more interested in fixing me over the issue at hand.  Your response that  brings the the right perspective and peace.  Truth is, when I avoid God's response, I miss out on great blessings.