I am bald but my baldness doesn’t define who I am.  I got it.  Today I embrace me, all of me.  Laying aside the shame, the insecurities and I am choosing to begin the journey of being confident and joyous in who I really am, bald head and all.  Today I did something that I didn’t think I would have had the courage to do before.  I got up in front of a room of about 50 women and as the warm tears flowed down my cheeks I took off my wig and showed them ME .  They didn’t laugh.  They didn’t whisper and tear me down. Instead they cried.  They cheered.  They embraced.  They praised God.  They spoke life.  THEY LOVED ME, the real me. 

This was a defining moment in my life.  I took a stance against the enemy and my actions screamed at him, letting him know that I choose to no longer be bound by the shame he wants me to have.  In that moment I unlocked some of the chains from my past that still had me bound and I CHOSE TO walk in another level of freedom that Jesus has already purchased for me.  In that moment there was a greater level of death to the old me and birth was given to something new.  I am not saying that I will never wear wigs again as I wait for healing to manifest BUT i now have a new perspective!

I have always been overly concerned with what others think of me.  I always have to put my best foot forward.  I have to please.  I have to be liked. Filled with pride.  The same symptoms that lead to my very bald head.   I began to loose my hair because I put too much stress on it with chemicals and weaves.   When I first began to loose my hair, the thought of giving up chemicals  was not even an option.  Why?  Because the real me of course was not good enough, not cute enough,  no way could I  let others see me in my natural state.  Deep rooted insecurities birth from past experiences.

Hear me when I say that this is not about whether or not you should put chemicals or extension in your hair.  Doing these things pointed to a deeper issue  FOR ME (this may not be the case for everyone).  When I was told by a dermatologist to stop putting chemicals in my hair, I scoffed at the idea.  Go natural and show everyone me, absolutely not.  Driven by insecurities and pride I continued the vicious cycle of destroying my hair follicles until they shut down and well, I was left bald  with no other option but to wear wigs.

    

BUT MY GOD IS SO AWESOME.  Through a chain of painful events, the healing process began.  I have prayed and stood in faith believing the Lord to supernaturally restore my hair.  Its nothing for God to just touch my scalp and have hair appear.   However, I recognize that God is more concerned about me getting the lesson than the blessing. The blessing can be fleeting but once I get the lesson its lasting and can be applied to other areas of my life guaranteeing more victory.  Unveiling my bald head  today was necessary for my healing.  It went so much deeper than taking off my wig.  I was taking off the shame, the hurt from the past, insecurities, conflicting thoughts.  I now have even more faith to believe the Lord for restoration of my hair because today inward healing took place and I rejoice!  

What is it that you have to take off for healing to begin?  A new level of freedom awaits you when you do.

So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.  John 8:36

Can I Tell You Something?

I have settled into my NEW NORMAL!  The last few months have been quite an adventure and we are beginning to slow down FOR NOW...  We were blessed to move into a bigger home to accommodate our large family.  God moved in a supernatural way and opened a door that we could not open on our own. This blog is to encourage you to stand in faith and to believe God for the impossible.  This is not just about a bigger house but it is to put spotlight on a God that still honors faith and moves mountains.  Put on your cyber listening ears and allow me to TESTIFY!!!!!

When my husband and I first moved into our previous home 8 years ago, it was so big.  It was just the two of us and a baby on the way.  That was in 2003.  But 2005 came and we welcomed our 2nd child, then wouldnt you know it baby number 3 came in 2007.  We had developed a pattern of having a baby on odd years and the trend continued.  Baby number 4 came in 2009 and blessing number five came 2011.  If you were exhausted reading that imagine what it was like for us. Needless to say, we outgrew our humble abode and desperately needed more space.

But there was just one little problem.  The finances were telling us that we COULDNT afford to move.  When we first moved in our home, it required a lot of TLC, so we took out a loan to do some home improvement.  After we were done doing what we needed to do to make the home livable, we had incurred a large amount of debt. We were not required to pay back the loan until we moved out of the house and there was no interest.  We did not anticipate having so many children so quickly and assumed that we would be in the house for quite a while.  God however had another plan.  My husband was the only one with an income. I have been a stay at home mom for the last 8 years, so we didnt just happen to have an extra $28,000 hanging out in our savings to pay this debt so we could move.  But we couldnt deny that we needed more space.  We petitioned the Lord and had other like minded believers standing in faith with us. To make a very long story short the debt was FORGIVEN IN FULL!  God seems to major in forgiveness of debt doesn't He, remember the cross scenario?  We received news that our $28,000 debt was forgiven in full the day that our fifth child came out of his first of three major surgeries.  The news was a great source of encouragement for us during this season of great uncertainty.  We were were SUPER EXCITED!  But we still did not have any extra money to move forward!

We continued to stand in faith and not focus on our bank account.  We went looking at homes that we knew we couldnt afford, all the while praying for yet another miracle.  The house hunting process was a very long one and we had many moments of feeling discouraged but pressed forward in faith.  There were many believers standing and believing with us.  In the process of looking for a home, a dear sister at our church told us something that we initially did not have the faith for.  She told us that she was believing the Lord to give us a house that was no less than 4000 sq ft and that our new mortgage would be the same or less than what we had been paying for our 1100 sq ft home.  WHAT? That was just crazy. We did the smile and nod script when she first shared this impossible desire with us.  But with time, we began to believe the Lord for just that.

To add to the frustration of the house hunting process, no one seemed to be interested in our home that was now on the market.  By divine intervention we had some teachers from our children's school LITERALLY show up at our front door expressing interest in renting our home. We had previously dismissed the idea of renting because we did not want to deal with having people in our home that we did not know.  BUT the Lord stepped in and sent these tenants to our front door.  They were very serious about renting the property, so much so that they were willing to give us security deposit months in advance.  It was also an added bonus that they were not total strangers to us. We agreed to rent them the property but expressing to them that we still had not found a home to purchase.

Right when we hit the point of fatigue, my husband came across a home on the internet in an area that we had not even thought about.  The home was only 5 years old and had recently gone into foreclosure. When my husband saw it on the internet, it had been on the market for a few days.  I must admit that when he first showed me the home online, I was not impressed and thought that it looked too good to be true.  I assumed that there had to be a catch and they were lying about the measurements of the home considering the listing price.  He  called our Realtor and had her schedule an  appointment.  RELUCTANTLY i went.  I had my "I told you so" speech all ready for after we viewed the house and realized that it was a scam.  But wouldnt you know it, God blew our minds!  The home was beautiful, perfect for our family.  We made an offer that was lower than the already reasonable listing price.  We were told that  the bank would not entertain our price because the asking price was already so low.  We figured God had brought us this far so why not!  The bank did budge and fast forward to a few months later, I am now sitting in that same house on my computer typing my TESTIMONY!

Yes thats right, the home is now ours.  Not only is it a beautiful home but it is 4103 sq ft and oh yeah our mortgage payment is $25 dollars cheaper than what we were paying for our 1100 sq ft home. GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now God is not our genie who just gives us whatever we want whenever we want it.  This was a process and it served a purpose. During our season of waiting God taught us

1. To give out of our lack,even when it just doesnt make sense
2. God's timing is certainly not ours but dont give up if it doesnt come when you desperately want it to or expect it.
3. To Serve Him faithfully even when we dont have what we WANT.
4. Continually surrender and relinquish control even in areas that is downright uncomfortable (e.g. having all these babies when we just didnt see how on ONE income?)
5.  Continue to walk in faith and not be concerned about appearing negligent and foolish in the eyes of others.
6. When the blessing comes, it may not be in the package you expect it but its just what you need
7.  Look to Him and not man to be our provider
8.  We dont have to try to defend why we serve Jesus, He always silences the naysayers in a LOUD WAY
9.  Praise Him in LITTLE and in PLENTY cause He is the same good  God regardless of the season
10. Serve God and not the blessing!

Ephesians 3:20
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, ²¹ to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.