Faith's story part 3

Read part 1 and part 2 of Faith's story if you haven't done so already.

After 14 days on bed rest, I began to have contractions.  I called my husband late that night letting him know it was show time.  They gave me a shot to stop the contractions.  It worked for a little while.   However by the next morning  the contractions increased and there was no denying that our baby girl was ready to enter the world.   They quickly rushed me to the labor and delivery room. The nurses ran down the hall as they pushed my hospital bed with my husband right behind them.  It was like a scene from a movie. They didnt want to take any chances considering all the unknown factors.  I was given a shot to prevent bleeding on the baby's brain because she was going to be 10 weeks premature. The shot made me sick to my stomach.  I was dizzy, had a pounding headache and felt disoriented.  After waiting a while, the contractions slowed down again. They however decided to keep me in labor and delivery because everything was so unpredictable.

Tyrone went home to take care of some things hoping that we had bought more time. I was famished, I begged to eat something because I had not eaten from the night before when all the action began.  I was placed on a liquid diet, and let me tell you jello and flavored ice never tasted so good. Later that evening the contractions started again. Tyrone was called again, and this time we knew that it was actually going to happen.  In addition to my doctor, nurse, and husband my room was filled with staff from the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) getting the incubator ready.  It was such a surreal moment. My husband and I tried to be "normal" and carry on conversations between contractions but we both knew that our current predicament was everything but normal.  In a few hours we would know if God had answered the way we desired concerning Faith.  I believe the anticipation surrounding Faith's health distracted me from the pain I was feeling with the contractions.  All along I was praying that all would be well. 

                        

The NICU doctor preparing for Faith's arrival in my delivery room.  

The contractions became more intense and closer together and after two pushes on May 14th at 10:29pm, Faith Serenity Jones made her debut into the world. Tyrone did not cut her umbilical cord like he had done for our other 5 children.  Neither of us got to hold her or see what she looked liked. She was immediately rushed to the NICU.  So after 30 weeks of uncertainty, numerous visits to different doctors, 15 days on bed rest, I had no tiny feet or sweet cheeks to kiss.  No baby to nurse.  I had given birth but no crying baby in my arms to prove it.  I felt absolutely numb and empty. No words can truly express what I was feeling.  
                        
          This remained empty after Faith's birth because she wasnt with  me.  She was in the NICU.

My husband and I sat in that room and waited for over two hours with so many unanswered questions about our baby girl.  What did she look like? Was she struggling for life? Were all the possible diagnosis true?  We tried to carry on normal conversation but we were both physically and emotionally exhausted.  I sent a text out to all those praying with us and waiting to hear news, and the only news I could share was her name. No weight or height, no pictures attached, just that she was here.  It was as if time stopped for me.  

After a very long wait, we received news that we could go down to the NICU to see baby Faith.  I was very happy to see Faith, but it was also kind of a scary sight. She was literally skin and bone, she was so small ( weighing only 2p 6 oz 15 inches long).  She had so many cords over her tiny body and a tube over her mouth for oxygen.  Her facial features weren't very noticeable because of all the equipment on her face.  But I needed someone, anyone to answer the nagging questions, was my baby ok, did she have any heart defects, was their bleeding on her brain, did she have a chromosomal abnormality?

              Happy parents meeting Faith for the first time.  It was hard not being able to hold her.

We were told that Faith had a tiny hole in her heart but it was expected to close on its own.  As the days went on, more test were done.  No bleeding on her brain, no chromosomal abnormality, no heart defect. Praise God, other than her low birth weight Faith was fine.  Faith was healed!

She however had to remain in the NICU for 1 month to grow. That proved to be another adventure.  The hospital was 30 minutes from our home and we struggled with maintaining some sense of normalcy with the other five children at home, while trying to go and see Faith.  The children always looked forward to visiting their baby sister in the NICU but we were all ready for her to come home.  It was a very tiring season but we thank God for his grace. After a month, we were given the news we had been praying for, our baby girl could come home! 

                                As Faith grew and got stronger we were able to hold her more. 

                                 

                                     




                            

 Big sister's first time holding Faith.  She was beyond thrilled.

   

                                      
           As I watched Faith grow, I wanted to remember how tiny she really was.  One of the nurses                                       suggested that I put my wedding ring on her fingers to show how tiny she was.

                                            

                                                              All of this for one tiny baby


So here we are, a little bit over a year later and we have celebrated Faith's 1st birthday.  She is tiny in stature but she is thriving and healthy.  For this we are thankful, our God is indeed faithful!

Faith on her first birthday!

Faith posing by her birthday backdrop created by Naomi!  I suppose I should have cropped this so as not to give her secret away.

TEACHING JESUS TO MY CHILDREN DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON

There has been such an urgency for me to teach Jesus to my children during this season.  I don’t want it to seem forced but I recognize there is a battle going on for their affection…and mine!  Sad to say but the agenda for most this season does not include Jesus, the very reason for celebration.  How do I convey and demonstrate to my children that it is more blessed to give than to receive?   I want my children to know that God is not against us desiring gifts, as I have learned through personal experiences that He delights in giving to His children.  However I don’t want them to miss the other part of the story, the beauty and power of giving.  To not be consumed by, “I have to have this, gimmie now mindset.” Children (and adults alike) need to understand that they are not disqualified from being a blessing to others just because they don’t have money to a give.  I want them to realize that they can give the gift of prayer.  So this week I had the older children pick someone they wanted to pray for, and prayed for different things concerning that person each day (their salvation, their siblings, their parents, etc…).  I desire to do similar activities through the month such as calling or visiting someone we know is lonely , inviting  someone over for a meal,  write a special note expressing gratitude to an individual, visiting a soup kitchen etc.   I also will not beat myself up and think my kids didnt learn everything they needed to learn if I don't get a chance to do all the above activities.

 I am also trying to be deliberate about sharing the story of the birth of Jesus and how they fit into this story.  They can never hear it enough, nor can I.   They need to understand that this story is so much more than about a baby being born in a manger.  I want them to come to love who this baby became, understand and embrace His purpose; still remember and celebrate Him when the lights are packed away and the gifts are unwrapped. I recognize that sometimes my lessons may be a bit choppy, and the kids may not always be as attentive or as excited as I desire them to be.  I may not come close to the cute nativity activities I see on Pinterest but I have to trust that in my sincerity to convey the truth of Christmas that the Lord will take my efforts and do a work in the hearts of my children.  

Repetition Brings Progress

One of the most difficult and sometimes frustrating things about parenting is repetition.  It’s easy to feel like there is no progress because you are doing the same things OVER and OVER!  The end is nowhere in sight.  I clean the kitchen, its mealtime and guess what; I have to clean it again.  I wash all the laundry, only to wake up the next day to a pile of dirty clothes.  And let’s not even get started with the task of training children.  I tell my two year old, “No,” only to turn around to see him doing the same forbidden thing.  Constant repetition!  However, I recognize I must keep at it or settle for chaos if I choose to stop.  If I grow tired of cleaning the kitchen, we would end up eating in filth, and thats if we are even able to eat for lack of clean dishes, If I choose not to do the laundry, my family would be a mess.  If I choose not to consistently train my children, they will be undisciplined  and bring me shame (proverbs 29:15).  SO while repetition can seem unproductive, that’s the furthest thing from the truth.  Progress is being made!

The same is true for spiritual disciplines. I must not grow weary in repeatedly seekng Gods face in prayer, reading of his word, and regular fellowship with other believers; these habits make me more Like God.  The opposite is also true, if I neglect to repeat these practices, chaos is inevitable.  I get spiritually disoriented, my anger causes me to sin,  I spew out hurtful and harmful words to those I love because I have not been filled up.   Lack of repetiton in these areas render me powerless and I am unable to resist the devil (James 4:7). When I don’t spend time with Jesus, My perspective is jaded, I see my children as a burden instead of a blessing.  Resentment can build.  I become overly sensitive, emotionally unstable,easily annoyed, and have an inward focus (Philippians 2:3-4).

Keep at it, repetition does bring progress, and even perfects!

Reminded

  I'm amazed at how God can create strength  during a season of difficulty.  I was at the hospital last night visiting Faith (baby # 6) and I had an opportunity to connect with another mom whose son was also in nicu.  We swapped our stories and the stress associated with having a newborn in the nicu. We were both physically exhausted but God allowed her to see something in me beyond my physical exhaustion.  She mentioned that it was evident that I had peace.  Here I was physically and emotionally exhausted from running back and forth to the hospital while still trying to maintain some sense of normalcy for the other five children at home, but God allowed this women to see beyond that.  She saw something that I couldn't fabricate.  He allowed her to see that He was the one carrying me and that His grace is sufficient .  As I encouraged this distraught mom, I in turn began to be reminded of what I knew to be true, God is faithful!  I told her of my past experience in the nicu with baby number 5, I told her the lessons I learned, I told her this was working for my good and there was a purpose in all of this.   I spoke to her from a sincere place, not from what I heard or read but what I had experienced during my previous seasons of difficulty. I experienced God in a powerful way which birth a greater level of confidence. A confidence that radiates peace even when my body is weary.  At the end of the conversation a prayer was said, tears were shed, and hugs were exchanged.  I walked away with a renewed strength for the journey because I was reminded.

Difficulty is a thread that has been woven into my life but it has brought such a sweet return.  Going through doesn't feel good, it hurts and yes I have had moments of crying, feeling overwhelmed and being very emotional.  I want my baby home with me and not in the hospital . But I cannot deny the beauty on the other side of suffering, and this time around, I am catching glimpses of beauty before the trial even ends. It seems like a contradiction, beauty for ashes?  Very true, it's my reality.

Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday I celebrated 9 years of being a mother! It's been quite a ride. Here I am sitting in a hospital room awaiting the birth of our sixth child. One more to add to the quiver, one more to crown me with the title, mommy! I have been in the hospital on bed rest for the last two weeks (story to follow). I have been in great spirit feeling encouraged but the day before Mothers Day I broke. The tears flowed and sadness overwhelmed me. why? I missed my children. I missed the younger ones slobber kisses. I missed their hugs. I missed the older ones going on and on about what happened in school. I missed their sweet smiles. I missed the noise that is inevitable in a house with five children. I missed making them dinner and hearing, "oh mommy this is even better than the last time you made it, or...this Is yuck, did you use a lot of coconut oil in this?" I missed smiling at the compliments or sternly reminding them they didn't have to cook it so don't complain. I missed their attempts at telling jokes and I missed making my laughs at the punch line believable. I missed the whispers and chuckles that I heard at night when they were supposed to be sleeping. I missed them more than I thought I would.

Now before I get carried away with being sentimental and looking through rose colored glasses, I recognize that the tears I cried before Mother's Day were not for all of the moments with my Five rewards. I certainly didn't miss the mad rush we have to make to the bus stop every morning while operating like a sergeant in the army. I didnt miss reminding them over and over again to clean up, the fights, the loads of laundry they created. I didn't miss the way they wait til I get on the phone to try to engage me in conversation.  No tears were shed for those moments.

But hey like anything else  motherhood is a package deal. And yesterday on Mother's Day all five of them came to visit me with homemade crafts, poems,sweet words, and slobber kisses. It was a happy Mother's Day indeed !

SOME DAYS I DONT WANT TO BE MOMMY!

Some days I just don’t want to be a mom…HONESTLY!  I want to quit cause its too hard, too demanding, too emotionally and physically draining, too much repeating myself, too much giving.  Just too much.  I  want to get back in bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend I don’t hear them screaming “MOMMY!”  But you cant exactly say to a one year old go and change your own diaper and leave me alone cause I am tired.  What am I to do when everyone is asking me where is dinner and I want to say,  “I am hungry too, why don’t you all figure it out and let me know when you have the answer.”  Then there is the training part.  I have moments of thinking, “God how can I teach my children how to be organized when I cant even remember where I put my cell phone.”  

   

Its in these moments of desperation and feelings of inadequacy that I have to be reminded of the TRUTH.  God is not asking me to be mommy of the year. He is not asking me to do this on my own.  He is asking me to surrender it all to Him.  He is lovingly inviting me to trade my weaknesses for His strength.  When I do this, He alone will get the glory from the mighty harvest that comes from me being a godly mother.  Ok. Pass me my mommy hat and by the way we are having chicken for dinner tonight.

“…My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT